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“Helping someone,” she says, “really puts you in touch with your humanity. I think that’s very important. When you consider just how much suffering there is in the world, how many people there are that are truly in need. There’s certainly no shortage of them. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, there is somebody who is not doing as well as you are, somebody who has less money than you do, somebody who is having a worse day than you are, and somebody who just needs your help. Imagine if you’re having an awful day. Nothing has gone right. It feels like the whole world is against you. Then somebody offers to help you, just out of the blue, while asking nothing in return. Is there anything that helps you to feel better than that? Is there any brighter ray of sunshine in a terrible day than a random act of kindness like that? These things pay off so much. It’s really worth putting the time in to do these things right, and help the people around you.”
Sumiko is the kind of woman who knows that to give a man what he wants, she’s got to be able to listen. “Listening is a very important and often underrated skill,” she says. “Too many men go through life with partners who never truly listen. Guys aren’t the most subtle in the world, of course, but you’ve really got to be able to show them that you care about what they think. If they feel ignored, if they feel like you just don’t care about them, they’ll shut you out emotionally, and then you’ll never get anywhere. That’s no way to conduct a relationship. It isn’t even any way to conduct the kind of platonic relationships that characterize most friendships. I think if you want to get as much as you give, if you want to see people willing to give back to you, you have to show them that you really care about what they have to say. Take, for example, the average guy who wants things. Maybe he is in a relationship with a woman who he feels like he can’t talk to. There’s stuff he wants to do with her, things he’d like to get, and he just can’t bring himself to talk to her about it because he’s shy, or she’s not receptive. Maybe he even gets up the courage to talk to her and she laughs at him or otherwise rejects him. Rejection is a terrible thing for a man. He puts himself out there and then he gets it thrown back in his face. So he toughens up and tells himself he doesn’t ever want to experience that rejection again. It’s terrible, to see a guy shut down like that.”
Sumiko continues, “I would never treat a guy like that, and I don’t understand women who do. We have so much power in relationships, if we just treat our men right. You just have to listen and show you care. Be friendly and be personable. He’ll never even ask that much of you. Be nice to a man and you can get absolutely anything you want out of life. Isn’t that amazing? So many women are working against their own goals simply because they can’t bring themselves to do the one thing that would really grant them happiness. They can’t bring themselves to just be friendly and listen to the women in their lives. And if they did, if they could bring themselves to do that one thing, they achieve true happiness. It makes me sad for them. It really does. So I practice being kind to all the men I encounter, and to everyone in my world. Kindness is its own reward.”